Proud. Content. Happy. 

I have made so many decisions that have shaped the last two weeks into some of the best I’ve had in relation to Ben. I feel so in control. 

Last week I had my hypnotherapy consultation; a step that I have debated over and researched for a fair few months. For those who are unaware, hypnotherapy is a solution-based therapy that will help me focus on the future and sever ties with Ben and the primitive part of my brain, unless there is a rational reason for my flight or fight response to kick in.

The lady described to me a situation in which this f/f response is essential for our own safety. Imagine walking down the street and a polar bear running towards you. In this scenario the primitive part of your brain kicks in and gets you to safety – flight or fight. This is totally rational; this is a real life danger. 

Anxiety contorts our way of thinking and how we react to certain situations. So many situations trigger my flight or fight response when it is not needed. For some reason my brain views these “normal” situations as dangerous and sets about to protect me. I’m very thankful that Ben wants to “look after” me but sometimes he’s a bit of a drama queen. Eating in front of people is so far from being chased by a polar bear and Ben needs to learn this. In order to overcome this I need to train my brain into understanding and seeing these situations for what they are: safe. 

The lady also talked to me about my “stress bucket”. She stated that I allow mine to become so overflowed that my brain can’t handle it. So it goes into the primitive state in order to cope. For this to change I need to learn to let things go. Basically I need to buy a new bucket, name it the “fuck it” bucket and chuck it all in there. 

Lastly I was given a relaxation audio to listen to every night – something that I have found quite difficult. I’m not a great sleeper as it is and although I’m assuming this audio is designed to aid my sleep, it has actually interrupted it at various intervals. Maybe this is just something else I need to work on. 

Looking back on my progress over the last two weeks makes me feel so happy. I have needed to use some medication at some points but for more of a back up rather than an emergency. And I’m okay with that. 

Ben has tried to poke his nose in but I’ve firmly and sometimes not quite so nicely told him where to go.

 Let’s hope he learns his place one day.