Two thousand and seventeen has been one of the most memorable, challenging but happy years that I’ve experienced since Ben resurfaced.
I started this year with an unhealthy mindset, and I’m leaving it with a stronger one.
I started this year with doubts, and I’m leaving it with knowledge.
I started this year with goals, and I’m leaving it with achievements.
When this year began I had so many personal aspirations that I wanted to achieve and I feel that I have dealt with difficult situations with so much more control and strength than previous years. This is something I am immensely proud of. There have been times in the past where I almost gave up, not because I didn’t care, but because I felt like I had been fighting for so long to feel settled and safe but with little progress. Yet now I can truly recognise how much difference even the most smallest step makes. It’s the combination of all the baby steps that creates this strength. And plants the thought in my head that actually: Ben may not always control me. He may not always dictate my life. He may not always define my future.
For the first time in a long time, I am going to be celebrating the end to a year of obstacles for the lessons they have taught me, rather than focusing on the negatives. I am slowly but consistently working towards changing my mindset and allowing myself to accept that sh*t happens. I am still me, with and without Ben. I am still able to achieve, learn and progress and I intend to spend 2018 reminding myself of this.